Living in Los Angeles
Living in LA
The blue, the eternal blue. So rich, so deep, so beautiful to look at. I guess sometimes I wish I could see taller buildings but then again the width and space you get there is refreshing especially after living in London and New York.
I’ve been through so many phases there already and it still hasn’t been 10 years. The difficult arrival and the alienation I felt in west Hollywood. The yearning to be back in London seems so long ago now. Those first 8 weeks were so difficuly. Claudia was so happy to be there and I so miserable. I guess I had gotten comfortable in London and I liked my life. I wasn’t bothered by the weather. I had my friends. I had pupils. Life for a little bit had been working well. So the disruption was hard. I felt unsettled. Discombobulated. Like a fish out of water. Like I had to start all over again. And I guess it was made worse by the fact that Claudia was so happy and didn’t miss London at all. She had always wanted to live in LA and had made that dream come true. But it didn’t feel like that for me.
I remember when I went back to London and how hard it was for me to return to los angeles. How I almost didn’t get on the plane. Literally had to force myself. But then we found willow glen. And everything changed. I can remember suddenly realizing I was happy. That I loved LA. That I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. That amazing little house that became home for 3 years was such a haven. We were so happy there. It was quiet and cute and perfect for the two of us and booboo. My teaching picked up. I loved driving around the city to peoples houses to teach. Then along came moonrock. So then we had 2 dogs. Moonrock would often come on my journeys. She became my companion. Her beautiful white face leaning out of the window. People loved her.
Nichols canyon is a magical place. As you take that turn off Hollywood and suddenly the city disappears. Within a mile it feels like the city is miles away. You can hear the birds in the trees. Theres a gentle peace up there. Like you’re being caressed by nature. Sadly the traffic has increased over the years but for the most part it has retained its charm. I have lived in 4 different parts of it now.
First the house on wiilow glen with its little kidney bean shaped pool. The steep bank of hill rising above the house and pool area. The sliding doors out into the back. The light wooden floors. The comfort of our bedroom. The stillness of the spare room. Such happy times. We hardly fought. We managed to conceive the twins. Those first few weeks after they were born was a magical time. Cocooned in our little home. Safe from the outside world. A new family had been created. I remember the feeling of coming home to their bath times. Those coloured lights twinkling in the mirrors. The gentle sound of water being poured over a tiny little babies. Wrapping them in blankets or putting them in their snuggies. The tense nights when one of them would be really upset and the crying would go on and on. How lucky we were to have Helen.
And then theres the glorious trail. With its magnificent views of the whole city all the way from Malibu to the airport and beyond. On a clear day you can see for miles. I have walked that trail so many times. In so many different frames of mind. Sometimes depressed and the walk my only real relief. Sometimes gloriously happy. I have taken many a photo up there from sunrise to sunset. A snapshot of life in a very special canyon.
Then the move down the hill to the house she had built. With its amazing views down the canyon to the city. The sort of misshapen U you look through with the city lights at night twinkling in the distance. The slow ride up the private road as you turn off Nichols canyon road. The steep bend as you push the last few yards past Michael and larry and through the large gate. The rough road that pulls up next to the house. The glorious space you walk into with the split level rooms. The huge open spaced kitchen. An amazing house in so many ways. And yet an unhappy time for us as a couple. Once we returned from Europe everything seemed to slowly fall apart. The distance between us grew. What had once seemed destined for a lifetime together began to appear to not be the case. We didn’t really fight anymore but you couldn’t help but feel that we were carrying a weight that was only getting heavier and eventually its burden would become to great to bear. We tried therapy. It helped a little. But eventually the time came when she had had enough and asked me to move out.
Moving to the apartment on Hollywood boulevard was a sad and difficult time. Suddenly I no longer lived with my family. I was a visitor in the home I had lived in. and a man living alone in an apartment in a foreign city. Not the plan at all. It took time to adjust. I still went back to the house all the time. I slept there when she went to stay with gary. I was with the kids all the time. And that made me happy. They started at school. The car journies were fun. We would laugh and listen to music. It was a magical time. And one that seems so far away now. How can a life go so wrong? One minute you’re driving your kids to school every day. The next you’re not even allowed to be alone with them.
Living on jalmia place was great fun. I loved it so much. I loved my little place. I was so happy. It was freeing. And before the addiction kicked in and got out of control it was a lot of fun. The little outside space with the shower and the table and chairs where I could eat breakfast. My own little hiding place. Sneaking girls back there without being caught. The holiday romance I had with Rebecca was wonderful. A real love affair. Everything about it was right. It was romantic, warm and sexy. Something I will always treasure. We were a really good fit for that short moment in time. It made me very happy.
And then the guest house. What a gift. Living up in that amazing place tucked away at the top of the canyon was so special. I could disappear. And I liked to. No one knew it existed and I liked it like that.